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This shoot was an exploration of self. At that moment in time, I was loaded up on Citalopram - an anti-depressent that had an adverse effect on me. I've been living with depression for almost 5 years now and the changeover from Fluoxetine to this new drug was supposed to be the big end to it all. This did not happen. I had a sense of great detachment, of unfeeling, or unreality. There was no emotion, just a great empty feeling. You could not read me and I didn't want to be read. I was just a shadow, a ghost of myself that had no purpose, no right to be there. I chose the mask because, in retrosepct, that was what the druge were doing. It wasn't me, it was just a part of me. A part that would later come away. But at that moment, it was suffocating, an oppressive fixture that I could not remove. I think I achieved that, though I am not certain that people will get that. In that sense, I have failed. But in other respects, I have met the brief. This is me, a record of myself at a certain time. I want people to try and relate to it, and learn something about me from it. After all, isn't that what self portait is all about?

This photo has been digitally retouched.

I converted this photograph from colour to black and white. I then used Adobe Photoshop Elements 2.0 to take out the eye and nose holes.

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Kevin Hall1 said...

This is very sad but though provoking picture. It makes me ask questions about the person under the mask and about myself. Its a really interesting idea that its a self portrait without the self being shown in it. A very clever and effective twist. Thanks for sharing it and your feeling about what was happening to you.

Posted on 14/01/2008 18:15

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watcher330 said...

Clever idea and well executed. It's effective as a more generic artistic statement in addition to your particular circumstances.

Posted on 18/02/2008 23:13

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